Two and a half months. Two and a half months since I came back from Spain and I feel like it has been a lifetime. Two and a half months of finally living in Bangkok, not running away from this fascinating yet scary city. Staying put and looking at it in the eye, facing my fears, wondering what it is that I need to be able to be happy here.
What I need, what she will need, what we will need.
To look around and reexamine everything. To realize a beautiful house does not mean a comfortable house. To realize a vibrant and colourful neighborhood does not mean a peaceful and relaxed neighbourhood. To admit to yourself that you are like most people and that while you love walking and public transportation in Europe and in America, you totally hate it here.
To stop feeling invincible and start planning your day, your activities and your holidays around the time of the day and the weather. To check how much energy you have and how much you will need before you do something. Enjoying much more and despairing much less that way and feeling a more mature person.
Two and a half months of preparation and today, writing from the porch of our safari tent at the river Kwai, I feel I can finally relax. I feel everything is ready, everything is prepared and planned, and now it is not in my hands anymore, the final outcome to be determined by the quality of our preparations, our attitude and destiny of course.
Many things await us during the next three weeks: moving to our new home, giving birth, parenthood.
And yet, I cannot be more relaxed right now.
I finally feel ready.